How to deal with difficult people at work
Modern workplaces don’t always bring out the best in people. Corinne Mills explains how to deal with awkward colleagues
- Workplace dilemmas: dealing with a difficult colleague
- Dealing with difficult and confrontational behaviour at work
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Observe them closely. How does their approach compare with yours? Are they a detailed person, glass half full or empty, task orientated or relationship focused? Then adjust your style when you communicate with them. For example, if they tend to be a nitpicking pessimist, then they may be more receptive to your ideas if you focus on which might be the least worst of possible scenarios and supply lots of detail. Read up on neuro-linguistic programming to find out how to build rapport and influence the thinking of individuals with very different thinking styles.
Handle aggression assertively
If someone is being highly aggressive with you, either verbally or physically, then regardless of who they are it’s OK to walk away or say that you are going to put the phone down – and that you will return when they have calmed down. No one at work has the right to compromise your sense of personal safety and wellbeing through engendering physical or psychological fear.
Be mindful of psychological health issues
When an individual continually behaves in a way that is problematic or destructive, then the roots often lie deeper than whatever is happening at work. People are complex and it’s worth remembering that according to Mind statistics, 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem each year. So where their behaviour seems emotionally charged or oddly disproportionate to the issue at hand, it may be that there are more deep-seated psychological issues at play.
Sometimes just keeping your cool, using logic and rational argument will be sufficient to de-escalate a situation. However, someone needs to have an honest and supportive conversation with them about what is happening. This may be you or you may need to bring it to the attention of someone else in the organisation to deal with. Organisations on the whole are becoming more aware of their responsibilities to support individuals with mental health issues.
Seek alternative methods as a last resort
Where you’ve tried everything you can to improve a difficult relationship at work but the individual still seems hell bent on making you miserable, then it’s time to look at your options. You could try and ride it out, forge some allies, avoid them where you can and become adept at “covering your back”. You could consider raising a grievance or formal complaint about their behaviour but these rarely end in dismissal so you may still find yourself working with them – and yes, they going to be very angry with you.
The sad reality is that sometimes you come across individuals at work who are psychopathic in their behaviour. Utterly ruthless, these individuals are incredibly resilient, fearless and not constrained by ethics or a moral code. Beware if they have you in their sights, because they are smart, manipulative, very plausible and have no compunction about causing damage.
By the time you’ve wised up to their true behaviour they may already have engineered to get rid of you or beaten you into submission. Will you win against them – unlikely! At least not unless you are prepared to play a similar no holds barred game. It might just be better to run and don’t look back.
These are my tips but have you found any others that worked for you? Drop us a line in the comments below to share your thoughts.
-Corinne Mills is managing director of Personal Career Management.
As appeared on https://www.theguardian.com/
