Written by Beverly Beuermann-King
info@worksmartlivesmart.com

The Victimizer In Action
Have you ever found yourself dreading your next team meeting full of conflict, or bracing for the inevitable moment when ‘that colleague’ seizes the opportunity to undermine your hard work? Navigating workplace dynamics can be difficult at the best of times, but even more so when you’re dealing with a Victimizer. These individuals thrive on catching you off guard or showing you up.

Scenario One:

It’s the quarterly review meeting at Association ABC. The executive team, including the Executive Director, Susan, is gathered in the boardroom. Everyone is prepared to discuss the financial performance and project updates, but there’s an underlying tension. Tom, a long standing board member, has a reputation for his strategic “gotcha” moments that often catch even the seasoned board members off guard.

As the meeting progresses, Susan presents an overview of the company’s financial health, proudly noting the successes and acknowledging the areas for improvement. Just as she’s wrapping up, Tom clears his throat and interjects, “Susan, I noticed a significant discrepancy in the accounting for Project Z. The numbers don’t add up, and it looks like a serious mistake was made. How could this oversight have happened under your watch?”

The room falls into an uneasy silence. Susan, taken aback, quickly scans her notes and the financial reports. She remembers that Tom had assured her all the project finances were in order just last week. Trying to maintain her composure, she asks, “Can you specify which figures you’re referring to, Tom?”

With a feigned look of concern, Tom continues, “It’s right here in the Q2 budget. There’s a $50,000 shortfall that wasn’t accounted for. This kind of error could have major implications. We need to ensure accountability at all levels, especially from our leadership.”

Susan, now realizing Tom is attempting to scapegoat her for an error he likely made, takes a deep breath. She calmly responds, “Tom, let’s review the detailed ledgers together after this meeting. I recall our discussion about Project Z’s budget last week where everything was confirmed accurate. Perhaps there’s been a miscommunication or an update that wasn’t properly logged.”

Tom’s expression hardens, but he nods, knowing he can’t immediately deflect the blame further without more scrutiny. The other board members exchange glances, sensing the underlying power play.

Scenario Two

It’s 9:00 AM on a typical Monday morning, and the team gathers in the conference room for their weekly status meeting.

As the team leader, Sarah, kicks off the discussion, she invites Jake to present his progress on a critical project. Jake, a dedicated and talented team member, begins outlining their work, highlighting the milestones achieved and the challenges faced.

Suddenly, Alex interrupts with a sharp, pointed question: “Jake, didn’t you promise we’d have the final report by last Friday? Why are we still behind schedule?”

The room falls silent. Jake’s face flushes as he fumbles to explain the unexpected complications that caused the delay. Alex’s tone is dripping with sarcasm as he continues, “It seems like we’re always hearing excuses.”

Jake’s confidence crumbles. His detailed explanation is overshadowed by Alex’s public attack, designed to embarrass him and cast doubt on his competence. The rest of the team shifts uncomfortably in their seats, each silently hoping they won’t be the next target of Alex’s “gotcha” tactics.

These scenarios demonstrates how a Victimizer like Alex or Tom can derail a productive meeting, undermine colleagues with unexpected attacks, and foster an environment of fear and uncertainty.

Key Characteristics of a Victimizer in the Workplace
The category of the “Victimizer” is not a universally recognized term in academic literature, it encapsulates characteristics seen in several well-studied workplace personality types. The concept seems to derive from a combination of traits found in other classifications like bullies, manipulative personalities, and toxic leaders.

A Victimizer in the workplace is a toxic individual who actively seeks to undermine, embarrass, and manipulate their colleagues. Their behaviours and tactics include:

Unpredictable Attacks (“Gotcha” Moments): They wait for the perfect moment to strike, often catching their colleagues off guard with unexpected criticisms or accusations.
Embarrassing Questions: They ask pointed questions designed to highlight others’ mistakes or inadequacies, making their colleagues feel exposed and humiliated.
Backstabbing: They engage in covert actions to undermine colleagues, such as spreading rumors or taking credit for others’ work.
Impossible Standards: They set unattainable goals and criticize others for not meeting them, creating a sense of failure and inadequacy.
Sarcasm: They use biting sarcasm to belittle and demean their colleagues, often under the guise of humor.
Aloofness: They remain distant and unapproachable, fostering an environment of fear and uncertainty.
Need to Win and Feel Important: They are driven by a desire to dominate and be seen as superior, often at the expense of others.
Pseudo-Expertise: They try to come across as the expert in everything, constantly showcasing their knowledge to undermine others. They question the expertise of their colleagues, creating doubt and attempting to position themselves as the most knowledgeable and competent.

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What Motivates a Victimizer to Behave This Way?
The Psychological and Situational Factors That Contribute to Their Behaviour
The motivations behind a Victimizer’s behaviour can be understood through a combination of psychological traits and situational factors:

Narcissism: Many Victimizers exhibit narcissistic traits, such as an inflated sense of self-importance and a need for constant admiration. They believe they are superior and entitled to special treatment, driving them to belittle others to maintain their self-image.
Machiavellianism: This trait involves a manipulative and deceitful approach to achieving one’s goals. Victimizers with Machiavellian tendencies are strategic in their actions, using cunning and deceit to undermine others and advance their own interests.
Psychopathy: Some Victimizers display psychopathic traits, such as a lack of empathy and impulsivity. They are often indifferent to the harm they cause and may even derive pleasure from the suffering of others.
Insecurity: Despite their outward confidence, many Victimizers are deeply insecure. Their need to attack and belittle others stems from a fear of being exposed as inadequate or unimportant.
Power Dynamics: Victimizers often thrive in environments with unclear, new, or different style leadership. They exploit gaps in authority to exert control and dominate their colleagues.
Past Experiences: Personal history and past experiences, such as previous workplace conflicts or personal traumas, can also shape a Victimizer’s behaviour. They may have developed toxic coping mechanisms to deal with their own unresolved issues.
Desire for Recognition: The pseudo-expert trait is driven by a need for recognition and validation. Victimizer s often feel threatened by others’ expertise and use their own perceived knowledge to assert dominance and undermine their colleagues, ensuring they are seen as indispensable.
Understanding these motivations can help in developing strategies to meet the needs, address the behaviours, and mitigate the impact of Victimizer in the workplace, fostering a healthier and more supportive environment for all employees.

How These Characteristics Impact the Work Environment
The presence of a Victimizer in the workplace can have severe negative effects on the overall culture:

Decreased Morale: Their constant criticism and undermining behaviour lower the morale of their colleagues, leading to a disengaged and demotivated workforce.
Increased Stress: Colleagues live in a state of heightened anxiety, always anticipating the next attack or humiliation.
Reduced Collaboration: Fear of being backstabbed or embarrassed leads to a breakdown in teamwork and communication.
Lower Productivity: The constant stress and lack of support result in decreased productivity and higher absenteeism.
High Turnover: The toxic environment created by a Victimizer can drive talented employees to leave, seeking healthier workplaces.
Constant Clashes: As team members become fed up with the Victimizer’s tactics, they may challenge the victimizer’s expertise, knowledge, and behaviour, leading to frequent conflicts and a divisive atmosphere.

Proactive Steps to Protect Yourself from a Victimizer in the Workplace
Dealing with a Victimizer in the workplace requires a strategic approach to minimize their impact and foster a more positive environment. Here are specific strategies

Establish Clear Boundaries
Define Limits: Clearly communicate what behaviour is acceptable and what is not. This helps manage the Victimizer’s attempts to control or dominate interactions.
Consistent Enforcement: Enforce boundaries consistently to ensure the Victimizer understands that certain behaviours will not be tolerated.
Stay Emotionally Detached
Maintain Professionalism: Keep emotions in check during interactions. Reacting emotionally can give the Victimizer more power and control over the situation.
Focus on Facts: Stick to factual information and avoid personal attacks, which can escalate conflicts.
Seek Support from Leadership
Involve Management: If the Victimizer’s behaviour persists, involve higher management or HR. Provide documented evidence of their behaviour to support your case.
Formal Complaints: Use formal channels to address the Victimizer’s behaviour, ensuring that the organization takes the necessary steps to resolve the issue.
Develop Resilience
Stress Management: Practice stress management techniques such as mindfulness, exercise, and adequate rest to maintain personal well-being.
Professional Development: Strengthen your skills and expertise to build confidence and reduce the impact of the Victimizer’s attempts to undermine you.
Encourage Positive Behaviour
Positive Reinforcement: Reinforce positive behaviours exhibited by the Victimizer, which can encourage more constructive interactions.
Collaborative Goals: Involve the Victimizer in collaborative projects where their success is tied to the team’s success, fostering a sense of shared responsibility.
Utilize Mediation and Conflict Resolution
Third-Party Mediation: Engage a neutral third party to mediate conflicts. This can help manage the Victimizer’s behaviour in a controlled and impartial setting.
Conflict Resolution Training: Provide training for the team on conflict resolution techniques to better handle interactions with the Victimizer.
Promote a Positive Work Culture
Team Building Activities: Organize team-building activities to strengthen relationships and reduce the Victimizer’s influence.
Open Communication Channels: Encourage open communication and feedback within the team to create a supportive environment where issues can be addressed promptly.
Communicate First – Before They Have a Chance to Question
Proactively Share Information: Keep the Victimizer and the rest of the team updated on your progress and any potential issues before they arise. This reduces the chances of being blindsided by their “gotcha” moments.
Set the Agenda: Take the initiative in meetings by setting the agenda or leading discussions. This positions you as a proactive communicator and reduces their opportunities to catch you off guard.
Bring Problems Out into the Open
Transparent Communication: Address issues openly and directly in team meetings. By bringing problems to light, you reduce the Victimizer’s ability to manipulate situations behind the scenes.
Encourage Group Discussions: Promote a culture of open dialogue where team members feel safe discussing challenges and seeking solutions collaboratively.
Be Prepared to Answer Questions
Anticipate Questions: Think ahead about potential questions or criticisms the Victimizer might raise and prepare thorough responses. This reduces their ability to embarrass you or undermine your expertise.
Document Your Work: Keep detailed records and documentation of your work and decisions. This not only helps you answer questions confidently but also provides evidence to counter any false claims.
Run Interference for Others
Support Colleagues: Stand up for your colleagues if they are being targeted. Offer support and reinforce their points in meetings. A united front can diminish the Victimizer’s power.
Create Alliances: Build strong relationships with your coworkers. A supportive network can help diffuse the Victimizer’s influence and provide mutual protection.
Recognize Their Contributions as Well as Those Around Them
Acknowledge Contributions: Publicly recognize the Victimizer’s contributions to the team. This can help manage their need for recognition and potentially reduce their need to undermine others.
Promote Team Achievements: Regularly highlight and celebrate the achievements of the entire team. This fosters a positive environment and reduces the focus on individual competition.
Get at Hidden Problems Through Surveys, Suggestion Boxes, Etc.
Anonymous Feedback: Implement anonymous surveys or suggestion boxes to uncover issues that may not be openly discussed. This can help identify and address problems caused by the Victimizer without direct confrontation.
Regular Check-ins: Conduct regular one-on-one check-ins with team members to gather feedback and address concerns. This proactive approach can help manage issues before they escalate.
Get Them to Want to Mentor – They Push for Excellence
Leverage Their Expertise: Encourage the Victimizer to take on a mentorship role. This can channel their need for recognition and control into a more constructive outlet, benefiting the team.

Creating a Workplace Environment That Discourages Victimizer Behaviour
Fostering a workplace environment that discourages victimizer behaviour requires a strategic approach centered around company culture and values. Here are several suggestions to achieve this:

Establish Clear Values and Code of Conduct:
Define Expectations: Clearly outline expected behaviours in the workplace, emphasizing respect, collaboration, and professionalism.
Communicate Consistently: Ensure that these values are communicated regularly through orientation sessions, employee handbooks, and internal communications.
Reward Positive Behaviour: Recognize and reward employees who demonstrate respectful and supportive behaviours towards their colleagues.
Establish Clear Reporting Procedures:
Accessible Channels: Ensure employees know how and where to report incidents of bullying, harassment, or victimizer behaviour.
Zero-Tolerance Policy: Implement and enforce a zero-tolerance policy for behaviours that undermine the company’s values, with clear consequences for violations.
Encourage Team Collaboration and Support:
Team Building Activities: Organize team-building exercises and collaborative projects to foster positive relationships among employees.
Peer Support Networks: Facilitate the creation of peer support networks where employees can seek advice and assistance from their colleagues.
Monitor and Address Warning Signs:
Proactive Observation: Train managers to recognize early signs of victimizer behaviour, such as isolation, micromanagement, or undermining others.
Intervene Early: Address concerning behaviours promptly through coaching, mediation, or disciplinary actions as necessary.

By prioritizing these strategies, organizations can cultivate a workplace environment where respect, collaboration, and mutual support are not only valued but actively practiced. This proactive approach helps to deter victimizer behaviour and fosters a more positive and productive workplace for all employees.

Building a Healthier Workplace Environment
Navigating the challenges posed by a Victimizer in the workplace is no easy feat. As illustrated in the scenarios of Susan and Jake, these individuals can disrupt meetings, undermine colleagues, and create a pervasive atmosphere of fear and uncertainty. Their tactics, from unexpected “gotcha” moments to relentless undermining, take a toll on morale, productivity, and overall well-being.

Dealing with a Victimizer is about not only protecting oneself but also cultivating an environment where toxic behaviours find no fertile ground to thrive. It requires a multifaceted approach that includes establishing clear boundaries, seeking support from leadership, and fostering a culture of respect and collaboration. Clear values and consistent enforcement, coupled with proactive monitoring and support systems, are crucial in maintaining a healthy work environment where everyone can thrive.

While the strategies to mitigating Victimizer behaviour may be challenging and frustrating, it is worth undertaking. By collectively committing to these strategies, organizations can create workplaces where respect, professionalism, and mutual support dominate—a place where individuals are valued not for their ability to tear down others, but for their capacity to uplift and inspire. It is about building workplaces where every voice is heard, every contribution is recognized, and every employee can thrive.

Written by Beverly Beuermann-King
info@worksmartlivesmart.com

Words Hurt
“You can’t do anything right”. “This is your fault – It’s always your fault”.

Understanding Emotional Abuse and Stress
Emotional Abuse is the tearing down of another human being and it can be the result of inappropriately handling one’s emotions, the excessive need to control others and the situations around them, or it can be learned from those who have had influence on the person such as parents, coaches or supervisors.

Those who are emotionally abusive, are just as dangerous as those who are physically abusive.

Various Types of Emotional Abuse:
1. Rejecting – worthlessness and undermining self-esteem, criticizing, humiliating, blaming, ridiculing

2. Ignoring – detachment, withholds affection, indifferent

3. Terrorizing – threatening to punish or take away possessions, pets, or other family members

4. Isolating – jealousy, restricting access to people or money, secluding from outside world

5. Corrupting – exposes or puts into inappropriate situations

Emotional abuse is a very serious and often hidden problem. The scars, though not visible, can run very deep. Beverly Beuermann-King

Many of us have grown up, been in a relationship with, worked for, or even been coached by, someone who was emotionally abusive. It is often seen as a normal part of the culture of the organization and tolerated. We see this in elite sports…that coach who thinks he gets the best from his players by belittling them, pitting them against each other, and blaming them for the losses. We see this in the workplace…CEO’s who yell obscenities at their workers, who demand unquestionable obedience, or who pit teams against each other. We see this in the home…where a partner isolates, belittles and ignores.

Emotional Abuse can lead to many emotional, physical, cognitive, and behavioural issues. It can impact social development, future success, and relationships outside of the abusive relationship.

General Impact Of Emotional Abuse:
Low self-esteem and confidence
Unable to make decisions
Lack of interest in life
Isolation
Sleep problems
Illness
Substance use
Depression
Emotional Abuse and Children
Patterns Of Behaviour:
In children, emotional abuse can be seen as a pattern of behaviour that attacks a child’s emotional development and sense of self-worth. (National Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse) In children, you may specifically notice signs such as the development of rocking, sucking or biting one’s self, being inappropriately aggressive, speech problems, tantrums, excessive anxiety and fears, and an inability to relate to others. The child may make self-hate statements, and/or be shy and overly compliant.

The existence of one of these signs may not indicate emotional abuse, however, several of these over a period of time should not be ignored and should be investigated and explored further.

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What Can Be Done About Emotional Abuse?
People who are the target of emotional abuse are made to feel insignificant and incapable. They may actually begin to feel that they have brought this on themselves and that it really is their fault. Often, having an advocate or a person that they can confide in, can help them to see the abuse is not their fault and to reach out for support to deal with the abuse that they are facing. Many organizations and workplaces now have policies and guidelines on how to handle bullying and harassment situations, including how these situations need to be documented, reported, investigated, and rectified.

Here are some general suggestions to deal with an abusive situation.

As The Recipient:
1. Take precautions – look for the signs of excessive jealousy and control

2. Don’t blame yourself for the way other person is treating you

3. Believe in yourself – believe that you deserve to be treated with respect

4. Trust your instincts – if you feel uncomfortable than this is probably not a healthy relationship

5. Talk to someone – find someone you can trust – a family member, friend, co-worker, EAP, supervisor, spiritual leader, community advisor or health professional. Call the Distress Centre and they can help make the appropriate referral. These resources can help you to examine all of your options so that you can decide what is best for you.

What To Do If You Feel You Are Becoming Abusive:
1. Recognize the types and strength of the various feelings related to numerous situations

2. Develop a realistic attitude about what you and those around you can achieve

3. Be respectful of other’s ideas, opinions and talents

4. Find alternative ways to express difficult emotions

5. Get help – find a counselor, therapist or a doctor that can assist you in examining why you attack and tear the other person down and help you to take personal responsibility for the steps needed to change your reactions.

Words DO Hurt
The childhood rhyme of “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” may have some truth to it. But continual emotional abuse does hurt. It can affect the development and the self-esteem of the individual and it may ripple out to affect those around the person who is being attacked. Emotional abuse is serious but help is available – both to the one being abused and to the person being the abuser. Recognition is the key.

Written by Beverly Beuermann-King
info@worksmartlivesmart.com

Do Difficult People Ruin Your Day?
It’s the end of the day and you’re exhausted, frustrated and wondering if this is what your work has come to. You hear yourself describing how some difficult people ruin your day. If anyone else talked like that, would you wonder why that person continued to work where they do?

Why Are You Letting Difficult People Ruin An Otherwise Good Day?
Understanding why some people become more difficult or negative, and when they are more likely to act that way, can prevent you from obsessing about that one difficult person to the exclusion of all the others who were quite pleasant and appreciated your work. By reflecting on your role in these difficult interactions, you will be in a better position to learn strategies to head off and/or counteract the stressful effects of these encounters with difficult clients.

Why Are Some People So Difficult?
Why do some people see the cup as being half empty instead of half full? The answers may lie in different areas, some related to the environment and some related to the “payoff” of using certain behaviours.

Some people learn very early on that the more noise they make, the more likely those around them will respond to their “squeaky-wheel” or “my-way-or-the-highway” approach. These are the people who enter our offices with complaints in hand and use their bodies and voices to intimidate.

Some people feel so hopeless and powerless in their life that they may develop the attitude of “what difference does it make?” These clients may be hard for us to work with, because they are often indecisive, resistant to change or have difficulty expressing their opinion.

For other clients, negative attitudes and behaviours are expressed when they are stressed out and just don’t have the energy to use better communication skills, judgment and manners. Beverly Beuermann-King

The Stressful Impact Of Negative Attitudes
Being stressed out is chronic in today’s society. We often have too much to do, are running behind schedule or working with incomplete information. It takes a lot of energy to be positive, to keep things in perspective and to actively look for the good in someone.

The difficulty behind these attitudes and behaviours is that they are highly “toxic.” We may be functioning just fine when we suddenly have to change gears and deal with someone else’s difficult behaviour or negative attitude. This brings us down, makes us feel grouchy and out-of-control.

The next thing you know, we ourselves complain, grow stubborn and more negative or difficult. This bad attitude then ripples out to those around us, infecting them and becoming entrenched in the workplace.

Fraught with difficult people and negative attitudes, our work environment becomes a daily scene of excessive finger-pointing, backstabbing and gossiping, higher rates of absenteeism, lower productivity and decreased quality of customer service. We let these behaviours and these difficult people ruin our day.

Can We Stop Negative Attitudes And Difficult Behaviours From Rearing Their Ugly Heads In Our Workplace?
Unfortunately, the answer is no — but we can control how we respond and desist from (inadvertently) rewarding behaviours that shouldn’t be encouraged.

The main premise to work from is that difficult people use negative behaviour to get what they want. It has worked for them before and they are counting on it to work for them again. Our goal is to stop rewarding these irritating behaviours.

To do this, we must understand what people expect to gain from being so difficult. Some want to feel more in control. Some want to feel important and listened to, and some want to avoid outright conflict, but will act out their annoyance or disagreement through other negative behaviours.

Tips To Stop Difficult Behaviours And Reduce The Stressful Impact of Negative Attitudes That We Encounter In Our Daily Affairs:
1. How can we help someone to feel more in control? Well, we need to ensure that we have clear job descriptions, are not overloaded and have realistic expectations for what we can accomplish. Staff should still be responsive to clients’ needs and concerns, rather than caught up in red tape and “by-the-book” procedures.

2. Even though it is very easy to give the impression to those we are talking to and interacting with that they are important to us, we often forget or ignore these simple strategies. We need to start with our body language. Have you ever been in a hurry and talked without looking directly at the other person? What message does that convey? Turn and face the person. Make eye contact. Be in the moment and treat each person as if they are all that matters.

3. Try and remember details about the person. Write them down and mention them the next time you’re chatting. It is hard to be difficult with someone who makes us feel special.

More Tips For Dealing With Difficult People So That They Don’t Ruin Your Day…
4. Watch how you are communicating. Bring potential or recurring problems out into the open. Are you listening to people or are you formulating your answer while they are still talking? Are you raising your voice or becoming agitated? Ask clients if there is anything you can do to improve their visit – even when you don’t want to hear their answer.

5. Give clients as much information as you can. I was recently waiting in an emergency room with my son. When the doctor arrived and began her assessment, she received an emergency page and quickly left. I was very annoyed, as my son grew restless. A nurse came by and said that the doctor had to deliver a baby and would be back shortly. That information was all that I needed to hear to make me feel better about the situation.

6. Look at the procedures that the person has to work their way through. Are you keeping them waiting, but expecting them to be on time? Make a realistic schedule, but if you are running behind, leave a message even if they may have already left for their appointment. It shows that you respect them and regret causing them any inconvenience. Can you offer them an extra service or a small token of appreciation for their patience — before they become annoyed by the delay?

Ways To Reduce The Stressful Impact Of Difficult People
7. What does your workplace environment convey? Is it comfortable, peaceful and engaging? Though the “extras” may seem unnecessary in accomplishing the business of the day, they may be just the things that clients remember. If you say you cater to families, does the environment of the office really convey that when clients with children walk in? There is nothing more stressful to a parent then to try and occupy a child in a confined space. Even being a few minutes behind schedule can upset the calmest of parents. To decrease the incidence of difficult behaviours and negative attitudes, make your workplace a visual, auditory and aromatic haven in their hectic day.

8. Get a feel for some typical reactions and attitudes that you may face and prepare yourself in advance to deal with them. Be sure not to reward difficult behaviours by giving in or backing off. For some personality types, you need to keep your composure, be assertive and know exactly what it is you want to communicate. Get comfortable with people who need to vent and express themselves – however, do not tolerate abuse.

Try using the person’s name to gain their attention when they are on a rant. Sometimes, you will get more useful information if you ask the person to write out the issue that concerns them, as there is less chance of the situation escalating into a ‘big production’.

9. Move difficult people away from problem identification and into problem-solving. Help them generate ways to improve the situation. When we are stressed out, we often have difficulty looking forward. However, if you hear the same complaints time and again, it may be that it is you (and not the client) who needs to move into problem-solving mode.

10. It is essential that you take care of yourself. Dealing with difficult people requires extra energy and focus. Maintain balance in your life – be sure to have other pursuits that you can count on for pleasure and distraction. Eat properly to control mood swings and to feel more energetic. Cut out caffeine, which heightens our responses and makes us more sensitive to those around us. Get plenty of sleep – probably more than what you are getting now. This too will give you the energy you need to think on your feet and provide the extra attention that some people need. Have someone to vent to – but not so often and for so long that you alienate that person. Lighten up, have fun and remember to smile. All of these positive behaviours will buffer you against the effects of dealing with tough situations.

By understanding what people expect to gain from using undesirable behaviours, we are in a much better position to deflect and defeat the difficult behaviour and move the person from problem identification to problem-solving.

We need to help people feel more in control, more important and listened to. Beverly Beuermann-King

When Dealing With Difficult People, It’s Important That You Take Care Of Yourself
And we need to ensure that we are taking care of ourselves and maintaining our own sense of humour and balance. By using these tips, we may be able to stop difficult behaviours and reduce the impact of negative attitudes. And if you find yourself saying that what I am recommending will never work – well then, it may be time for you to reflect upon the negative vibes that you may be sending out.

Contact Beverly about hosting a workshop for your team in dealing with negative attitudes and difficult people. Learn to nail down strategies to encourage a collaborative and productive working environment!
If you have some strategies to share – comment on this posting!

Written by Beverly Beuermann-King
info@worksmartlivesmart.com

People today have a short fuse—everyone is stressed. And when people are stressed, they can become difficult to be around. Chances are, you’ve worked with at least one difficult person in your organization. You recognize the behaviors of a difficult person, such as a bad attitude, apathy, difficulty handling change, and terrible customer service. Difficult people give you the silent treatment or worse–they can be verbally aggressive. Unfortunately, if you don’t address this kind of behavior, one of two things will happen: Employees will become resentful and think less of you as a leader.

Employees will start modeling the behavior of the person who is not being corrected.

It’s important to understand that there’s only one reason anyone behaves in an unacceptable manner: the person gets away with it! So, who’s responsible for difficult people? The answer is anyone who tolerates them. Every time you give in to a difficult person, every time you choose not to confront him or her, you allow a difficult person to continue this rude behavior.

What does a difficult person in your office look like? Often, he is the one who gets the better schedule. He may come in late or leave the office early, leaving his or her work for others to finish. The individual might take a longer lunch, hold long personal calls during work hours, or refuse to lend a co-worker a hand. Individuals in the office don’t ask the person to work with them because they don’t like the individual.

So, how can you change this situation? Confrontation is one answer. Unfortunately, it can be hard for anyone to address this issue. However, it’s important to understand that dealing with the issue will facilitate a more harmonious atmosphere in the office, leading to increased productivity, improved morale, and a healthier bottom line.

You’ll need to set boundaries, expectations and guidelines, and then hold the person accountable for his or her behaviors. Here are some tips, whether you are an employee dealing with a difficult supervisor, a worker dealing with a co-worker, or a manager dealing with a challenging employee:

Owner or Manager to Employee: Have you ever had an employee who was demanding, condescending, abrupt, tearful, insecure, and high maintenance—yet he or she did an excellent job? Were you worried about losing the person because of the great work? Just because someone does great work doesn’t make him or her a good employee. If you have a person whose behavior is affecting the morale and productivity in the office, and you’ve already coached the employee on the issue, this person needs a formal corrective review.

The employee should be given a copy of the corrective review; a signed copy is placed in his or her employee file. Let the employee know the specific behavior you need to have changed, your clearly defined expectations, and a time frame to work within. Have a follow-up meeting within a designated time period to give the employee the feedback needed. Be sure to provide clear oversight.

Employee to Manager: What if the difficult person is your boss or manager? Approach your employer or supervisor first by asking: “I need to talk with you about something. Is now a good time?” If not, schedule a time to talk. Begin by expressing your intention and your motives. Explain your concern about a loss of business and unhappy clients, and that your intentions are to help make the workplace not only productive but also satisfactory to clients.

Another approach is to talk about how certain behaviors in the office are decreasing efficiency. Explain that you’d like to talk about ways to improve the systems in the office. By first addressing the issues as though you’re tackling a problem or a system issue, your supervisor or employer will not be defensive. Always be tactful, professional, calm, and polite. Ask your employer or manager for his or her goals and offer to give suggestions to help meet those goals.

Use the “feel, felt, found” method: “Many of our customers feel uncomfortable when you speak to the other employees; they’ve expressed how they’ve felt when you left the room. I’ve found if I convey customer concerns to my supervisor that our sales have increased.”

Employee to Employee: If you have a problem with a co-worker, the best course of action is to go to that person directly. Do not talk about the issues with your fellow co-workers behind the other person’s back! Go to the person privately and tell them about it.

There are three steps to this.

Let the person know you’d like to talk about something that’s been bothering you. Ask him or her, “Is this a good time?”

Describe the behavior with dates, names, and times. Be specific. Begin by saying: “I’d like to talk with you about this. This is how I felt when….” Speak only for yourself and how the behavior affects you.

Describe what you would like to see changed. Try to resolve the issue first personally and privately. If the situation does not change, request a meeting between yourself, the other person and your employer. Everyone can choose his or her attitude. Each day, when someone walks out the front door to go to work, that person has a choice in how his or her day will play out. You can’t always choose the people who surround you but you can try to make them aware of their behaviors. If you have a difficult person in your life, set the boundaries, explain your expectations, and then hold that person accountable. Be calm when you’re doing this! The person who is calm and asks the questions is the one in control.

Article By: Dr. Rhonda Savage
As Appeared on https://www.amanet.org