22 Smart Techniques to Deal with Difficult People at Work
Written by: https://www.harishsaras.com/author/harish/
Let’s be honest…
Are you getting crazy at work due to other person’s behavior or attitude?
Have you ever worked with someone who doesn’t seem to get along with you? Is it challenging to deal with difficult people at work?
We’ve all encountered difficult people at work, regardless of the industry.
They may be your colleagues, managers or your boss.
What does it mean to be a difficult person?
By difficult people, we mean those whose behaviors or attitude don’t match with ours. They have certain characters which don’t match with ours. They…
- Have certain personality traits that make it difficult for you to communicate with them
- Push our buttons to push their agenda
- Rarely listen to others’ opinion
- Don’t pitch in but still expect things as per their own way
Now you’re clear, who I’m talking about
Can you avoid them or maintain distance from them permanently?
No, it’s not possible
Then what you need to do.
You need to learn, how to work together and deal with them in different situations.
In this article, I ‘m going to show you the best techniques that will help you in dealing with difficult people at work.
Before we get into more detail, first you need to be familiar with common behaviors and personality types.
You can learn to work together with difficult persons only when you understand why they act in a certain way.
Common behaviors of the difficult people at work include:
- Constantly over their cell phone
- Taking credits for others’ work
- Showing others as unimportant in the workplace
- Double standards, saying something and doing something
- Yelling at others
- Backstabbing others to get ahead
- Undermining the professional contribution of others
- Gossiping and discussing others
- Stealing ideas and presenting it as their own
- Constantly blaming others
- Not pulling their actual share of work
- Showing off as they are genuinely concerned about work by sending emails of regular hours
- Playing dirty politics for all sorts of things
Can you change other person’s behavior? No, it’s not in your control
So handling difficult people is more about you and your reaction.
The only thing you have control over is your response to the behavior of a person.
E + R = 0
Above equation helps you to check where you stand after reacting to any event. The best exercise is to ask these 3 questions from yourself. What is…
- Your typical Response to the particular event?
- The usual Outcome?
- The Outcome you want?
The outcome of an event will let you know whether you have handled the situation in a right way or not. If not, then you have to change your response to get the desired outcome.
Learn the tips to cultivate your mindset to respond appropriately in a particular moment.
Now I’ll take you through 10 different personalities. How you can assess their personality based on the behavior and deal with them.
Here are the 10 Difficult Personalities in the Workplace
We come across different personalities in the workplace and its effects on stress.
For example, the anxious, annoyed, ambitious, negative minded, aggressive, the hostile, the blamer, the staller, the perfectionist, the overly agreeable people, and the gossip.
1. The Anxious
These people get upset or nervous very early. Working alongside them becomes a nightmare. Have a constricted mind and negativity all the time. Not able to make sound decisions and have fear of losing their name and fame.
Dealing with them:
The best way to deal with anxious people is not to discuss much and keep your mindset clean.
2. The Annoyed
These people have personal hygiene issues, foul-smelling clothes or breath, drink heavily in the evening and then exudes the fetid smell of alcohol.
Dealing with them:
The best way to deal with annoyed people is to discuss and inform them upfront about the problem.
3. The Negative-Minded
These people are always filled with negativity and resist change. Point out the negatives and limitations of everyone and everything. Always try to create negative waves in those who are surrounded by them. Project the small things as the big one. Focus on their negativity and ignore the positive.
Dealing with them:
The best way to deal with negative people is to remain positive and ignore their negativity.
4. The Aggressive
These people expect the things as per their wish and timeline. If it doesn’t happen, they got exhausted, start making noise though nothing can be changed. When these people move in the position of power they increase the problem.
Dealing with them:
The best way to deal with aggressive people is to stay calm, acknowledge their comment, and restate calmly what they want. When someone is really aggressive, say to them that “maybe you’re right, let’s revisit this”. and then take a break.
5. The Hostile
These people may get angry or pretend to be wrong. They use physically -aggressive body language.
Dealing with them:
The best way to deal with these people is not to reply to anything with anger. You need to listen and appreciate them to reduce their discomfort.
6. The Blamer
These people point the finger to others. Find fault in everything and avoid taking responsibility. The major issue is they shift responsibility to others whenever things go wrong in the office. They rarely accept their mistakes, bad decisions or poor performance. They cause undue stress in the workplace.
Dealing with them:
To deal with these people you have to understand their concerns and solve their problem. Maintain firm boundaries with them and not let them push you to a point where you are uncomfortable working with.
7. The Staller
These people are bound to make a commitment.
Dealing with them:
The best way to deal with them is to go to the root level of fear and find out what information is required to take action.
8. The Perfectionist
These type of people are “expert” and shares their opinion about everything.
Dealing with them:
The best way to deal with them is to discuss face to face and understand their true level of knowledge.
9. The Overly Agreeable
These people are more analytical and logical. They often agree on all the things but later on, express their true feelings and could not meet his commitments. These people are very rarely considered for promotion.
Dealing with them:
The best way to deal with these people is to provide the facts and figure.
10. The Gossip
These people talk about other people behind their backs
Dealing with them:
The best way to deal with them is to stay out from any conversations and avoid sharing any details of personal life with the office gossip.
Watch the video to know about the difficult people at work
Here is the most interesting thing…
Here are the 22 Smart Techniques to Deal with Difficult People at Work
1. Stay Calm
Staying calm is a massive predictor of your performance. So whatever may be the situation, remain calm. Calmness is directly linked with your performance.
When a situation is charged and heated or serious at work. No need to get panic. The best way is to be calm and have patience.
For example, if someone is in angry mode or exhausting at the other end. While talking to him, be calm and say yes…, you’re right. Later checking his mood you can restate your point and discuss with him. He will listen you and solution may come quickly.
Check your breath, slow down and take five deep breathes in and out. During each exhale you will leave stress from your body.
2. Listen to Others
Listening to others is a skill if you want to take communication to the next level. Listening is paying attention to what others are saying. So your focus should be on what other person is saying, not on what you want to say next.
When a difficult person wants to say something, give him a chance to finish and don’t interrupt. If you have any confusion, ask clarifying questions. Use paraphrasing or mirroring to check the accuracy of hearing.
To check other person’s pain or problem. We put our self in different person’s shoes. If someone is trusting in you about his or her troubles, step outside yourself.
So first listen more to others rather than saying them. It improves your credibility with them.
3. Use the S.T.O.P. Model to Avoid Reactivity
This is the most fundamental step in dealing with a difficult personal relationship. “S.T.O.P. stands for”:
- Stop whatever you’re doing presently
- Take 3 deep breaths in and out
- Observe how you feel
- Proceed with dignity and compassion
Your personal relationship with the difficult person is good or bad. This model of giving pause will surely help you to derail the emotional reactions to take over in the heated moment.
4. Be Proactive, Not Reactive
Proactiveness is a simple way of changing others. Different people have different reactions and approaches. Some people respond better in a more direct approach.
If your co-worker spends a lot of time complaining, give them some constructive advice for a change. Because of their own issues, people do what they want to do.
When we maintain a cool head and act proactively, we can look at the situation with detached objectivity.
Conflict arises between people due to misunderstanding or due to misinterpretation.
So be proactive when you interact with others to reduce the chance of misinterpretation or misunderstanding.
5. Not to Take Anything Personally
In the workplace discussion, arguments and conflict all happen with colleagues or with the boss on some topic. Don’t personalize anyone’s behavior. Other person’s behavior tells far more about them than about you.
Different people have different behavior. It happens due to the cultural difference because people at work come from different backgrounds and walks of life.
So when dealing with difficult people at work don’t take their actions personally.
6. Detach Yourself
Do not involve yourself in all the matters. Keep yourself detached from the situation. It helps you to remove the emotion and reduce friction with difficult people as well.
When you know someone within the workgroup is not worth, then keep a healthy distance and don’t drag yourself in a lengthy dispute with him.
To achieve and master this skill, you need to work on building your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Your main purpose should be as having a ‘water off a duck’s back’ approach with difficult people. Don’t allow them to behave irrationally with you.
7. Use Appropriate Humor
Humor is the best medicine to defuse the situation in the workplace. It softens the surrounding atmosphere.
Humor can deflect many difficult situations in the workplace so inject a good dose of humor at the appropriate time. It doesn’t back people into a corner.
Don’t use humor for any person, else it could be hurtful or daunting
The best part of humor is that it separates the negative behavior from the person and brings people back together.
8. Introspect and Take Responsibility
Introspection is the best tool to check where you stand in a particular event or situation.
When you’re feeling frustrated or confused about what to do, recognize that you are not a victim of the situation or that frustrating person.
Your feeling or thinking about the other person and situation is different. The person or situation is not making you feel anything.
If you start blaming others for your feeling or situation, it becomes easy to get overwhelmed and confused about what to do. Ask yourself these questions?
Why I ‘m feeling this way?
Is it a problem with me and how I feel, or the problem is with the other person?
You have to understand the role your reaction is playing in this situation.
9. Build a Rapport
Building rapport is the best way to understand another person.
When your colleague is in trouble or confused about what to do. You try to help them and suggest some solutions. When it works and they come out of the problem then they understand what kind of person you are.
Developing a relationship with the other person doesn’t affect your performance, confidence or productivity at work.
So consider always what can be done to mend the problem of other person and develop a relationship.
10. Keep Your Power
Keeping your power to sustain yourself while dealing with difficult people will give you some relief
When you feel depressed over something done to you, make a decision to keep your power. Keep yourself happy by building healthy thought patterns.
When someone says negative, don’t catch their negative words. Because you don’t know from which situation they’re going through. Maybe they’re likely feeling some sort of fear.
So don’t judge them based on the negativity and enjoy a resentment free-life.
11. Don’t Return Anger with Anger
Anger is a sign of losing the battle and making the things more worst.
When someone is angry at you. Don’t raise your voice or disrespect him. Making noise or shouting another person will not solve your problem, instead, it will make the situation worse by adding fuel to an already heated situation.
So wait for the other person to neutralize and then speak.
12. Speak with the Person Directly
Direct discussion with the concerned person helps you to understand him/her better.
When you’re not happy with the other person’s reaction towards you. Speak to him one-to-one separately.
If you’re concerned about the outcome or simply uncomfortable being alone with the person (especially when you’re discussing with a female colleague), accompany someone (like a responsible co-worker, manager, lead or HR) throughout the conversation.
The person accompanying you act as a mediator ensuring that the conversation remains constructive and can act as an evidence of what occurred.
I would recommend taking accompany of HR during the conversation so that you can discuss with the person freely and he will also not feel any kind of threat.
Take responsibility for what you say to others, speaking in terms of “I” and not “you“. In fact, this use of language is one of the easiest changes you can make for more confidence.
13. Keep Record of Your Conversations
When you discuss with the difficult person, make a practice to keep a record of it.
Documenting everything on paper and then circulating a copy of it to HR is a good practice.
This helps you to avoid any conflict and ensure that your future recollection and discussion about the conversation is accurate.
14. Don’t Gossip
Gossip is very common in most workplaces. People have a habit of gossiping about each other.
They gossip about their co-workers, managers or the company’s prospects for success.
They don’t have complete information but they blow it all out of proportion which is more toxic than helpful.
If you’re asked about the situation, be honest and accept that there is a conflict but say that you’re not comfortable discussing it at work.
So please resist discussing others, if you don’t have a complete fact. This way you can avoid destructive gossip from your workplace.
15. Pick Your Battles Carefully
Keep a watch for difficult people on your job.
No matter where you’re in your life you need to pick your battles. Whenever any debate happens, choose your battles wisely and don’t allow yourself to become weighed down.
Assess your situation and options considering your priority at the time. You can excuse yourself from the conversation.
The choice is yours to interlace with them or be free from any fight that is draining.
Picking your battles will help you to avoid undue stress and free from your co-workers’ problems.
16. Understand Other Person’s Perception
Whenever we come across someone with a difficult behavior, we start advising them to change themselves.
For example, we may encourage those who never contribute in the workplace “to stand up for himself” or those who are always complaining and criticizing “to be more positive in his thinking“.
This only causes them to resent us. The best way is to try to understand them, their values, and the situation that drives their decisions.
This will not only keep them relax but also encourages them to be more open-minded.
17. Manage Your Emotions
The golden rule to deal with difficult people at work is to manage your own emotions.
To master the skill you need to develop your self-awareness. You need to start noticing your feelings, thinkings, and behaviors… your triggers.
The more composed you are during the challenging conversation, the less impact it will have on you over the course of the day.
Once you become good at it, you start looking at both sides of the issue. You will be clear-headed so you can assess the situation and determine the appropriate response to change the desired outcome.
18. Treat the Person with Respect
Irrespective of other person’s behavior, showing respect to them will resolve the situation.
Difficult people may not have earned respect but you can deal better with them if you show it.
Someone has rightly said that”You can attract more people with sugar than vinegar“.
When you respond to them with negativity or harshly they will easily dismiss you.
You can easily defuse conflict by showing respect to difficult people.
So listen, reflect back and probe: “What I’m hearing you say is… Does that sound accurate? Is there anything else.?
Respect allows the difficult person to feel heard. Your aim should be to move the conversation from the problems to solutions.
19. Be Professional
Showing respect doesn’t mean you have to agree with whatever difficult person says. You are open to sharing your thoughts and ideas as well.
Hopefully, if you’ve shown respect, then the difficult person will hear your views with an open mind.
Increase this opportunity by expressing your ideas in a professional manner.
Avoid showing frustration since you respond to the person. After reflecting back, stay calm as you share your thoughts or feelings on the subject.
20. Keep a Healthy Distance
When you’re dealing with difficult people, be diplomatic. Unless there is something important at stake, don’t waste your valuable time by trying to change or convince a person who is negatively entrenched.
Your intention may be to calm the other person down. But if someone is already upset, avoid touch, as it might be misinterpreted.
21. Don’t act Defensively
When we get defensive, it’s tough for our conversational counterpart to hear what we’re saying.
Defensiveness makes it impossible to truly know your partner. So don’t get defensive while communicating with a difficult person.
There is a simple tool to avoid it in personal and professional life both. People need affirmations more than anything else. So affirm their point of view.
So always “stay on the front foot and start asking questions“. This will help to diffuse the situation.
22. Express Appreciation when Appropriate
Difficult persons don’t hurt you always. They’re also experienced and have skills in the certain area like us. They can help you learn a skill or give you insight.
If that happens then you appreciate their effort. Nothing turns people off more than someone who is trying to do the favor. Express your thanks to such a person without smiling. Because your words will sound more sincere that way.
Watch the video to know “How to deal with difficult people at work”
Conclusion
Whenever you’re dealing with difficult people at work: there are two options, Either you learn to live with them or you try to change them
Learning to live with them is the easiest route, as long as you have a strategy to deal with them.
If an employee works for you then you should make an effort to change them. Though it requires more work initially, if you are successful, then ensure that this problem no longer persists.
Handling difficult people at work is challenging but rewarding. Everyone will owe you a debt or a gratitude for that.
I hope you will find the above 22 strategies useful for dealing with difficult people at work.
