You need to calm down!
Doesn’t it drive you around the bend when someone tells you to calm down? That is about the worst thing you could possibly say to a person who has lost their cool. So don’t say it. Ever.
I can appreciate that sometimes people get out of hand. I can appreciate that in order for us to proceed they are going to need to calm down. However, telling them to calm down is like throwing grease on the fire – it will just cause a big blow up.
Instead of telling the other person to calm down, perhaps we need to say “I need to take a breather before we continue. Perhaps we could continue this conversation in 45 minutes.”
I realize that when you are dealing with a client that option is not always available and you must deal with the situation immediately. Continue to speak calmly and with extra care – but don’t tell the other person to calm down!
Keep your own cool, and remind yourself to calm down – but don’t give that advice to an angry and difficult person. It will make matters much worse. Breathe deeply …. But bite your tongue!