Tips for Having Difficult Conversations
Whether they are personal or professional, no one likes having difficult conversations. They make you anxious and uncomfortable, and they make the other person anxious and uncomfortable. But they need to be done. If we avoid them, we create a much bigger situation that is harder to fix.
Here are five quick tips to ensure your difficult conversations don’t go sideways.
- Be prepared. Don’t assume you can wing this conversation. There is too much at stake to mess it up. Figure out what your issue is so you can keep focused. What is the solution you are hoping for, and what questions should you ask to ensure the conversation heads in the right direction.
This means you need to think about the conversation instead of automatically assuming it will go well. Think about what could go wrong, how things could be misunderstood, and how the other person feels hearing what you have to say.
- Schedule a time to talk. You cannot ambush the other person. It would help if you gave them time to prepare for the conversation. Just because the two of you are alone in the elevator does not mean you should have the conversation then and there.
Schedule a place that is private and professional. Make sure others cannot hear you.
- Be comfortable with silence. As much as you have scheduled a time and place to speak, so you don’t ambush the other person, ensure that you don’t turn this difficult conversation into a lecture. Give the other person the opportunity to digest what you are saying and respond to it as well. You’ve had time to think about what and how you want to say something. They haven’t had the same opportunity.
When you ask a question, be sure to wait a full ten seconds for the other person to respond before you say something else. It is a conversation, not a lecture. Give them time to respond.
- Do NOT email. I know that many people want to email this difficult conversation as it is easier to plan out what you want to say as well as to give you and the other person time to digest before a response is expected. However, it never goes according to plan.
We want the paper trail to show how we responded professionally and respectfully. I can almost guarantee the other person doesn’t read your email in the same tone you intended. They will read sarcasm or insult to your words. And you will do the same with theirs.
Email always backfires.
- Don’t bring others into it. It is tempting to say, “I am not the only one who feels this way,” to justify why we are having this difficult conversation. Only, that line never offers justification; it derails the conversation instantly.
Instead of talking about the issue, we are now talking about who else is talking about them behind their back? It feels like they’ve been the subject of office gossip, and that never feels good. It will be hard to stay focused on the issue at hand as their focus will be on “who else feels this way.”
Difficult Conversations are called difficult for a reason. They take the nerve to have the conversation and the will to ensure it is respectful and successful. Neither are easy, but these tips will ensure they are successful!
This article was written by Rhonda Scharf and not by artificial intelligence.
