It’s the end of the day and you’re exhausted, frustrated and wondering how to handle your difficult boss.

Understanding why some people become more difficult or negative, and when they are more likely to act that way, can prevent you from obsessing about your difficult boss to the exclusion of all the others who were quite pleasant and appreciated your work. By reflecting on your role in these difficult interactions, you will be in a better position to learn strategies to head off and/or counteract the stressful effects of these encounters.

So why are some bosses difficult?
The answers lie in a couple of different areas. Some are related to the environment or sources of stress that they are facing and the impact that these are having on them, and some are related to the “payoff” of using certain behaviours to get what they need.

Often, we cannot change the sources of stress for our boss, so, can we stop their negative attitudes and difficult behaviours from rearing its ugly head?

Unfortunately, the answer is no – not always — but we can control how we respond and desist from (inadvertently) rewarding behaviours that shouldn’t be encouraged.

The main premise to work from is that difficult people use negative behaviour to get what they want. It has decreased their stress before and they are counting on it to work for them again.

Our goal is to stop rewarding these irritating and negative behaviours.

To do this, we must understand not only what people are going through, but also what they expect to gain from being so difficult. Some becoming more demanding because they want to feel more in control. Some become a know-it-all as they need to feel important and listened to. While some want to avoid outright conflict, but will act out their annoyance or disagreement through other negative behaviours.

Our role is to find alternate ways of meeting their needs for control, importance, or safety.
In addition to appreciating their sources of stress, developing insight as to what reward there may be in using a particular behaviour, and finding alternate ways of meeting these needs, here are some additional strategies.

5 Quick Tips That Are Helpful In Handling A Difficult Boss:

1. Learn and understand your leader’s supervisory style – sometimes conflict occurs due to differences in styles of supervising and styles of needing to be managed.

2. Clearly communicate your intentions, projects, or workload – often we assume that our leader should intuitively ‘know’ how we are feeling or what we are working on.

3. Successful Administrative Professionals provide only the facts and if possible, offer solutions.

4. Plan ahead for negative comments or questions.

5. Consciously provide positive information and reinforce your leader’s positive behaviours.

Conclusion
Working with a difficult or negative boss can lead to burnout and take us away from a job or project that we may really enjoy. When the issue that we are working on is important, it is up to us to try and find alternate ways of working together. Having a thorough understanding of the sources of stress for your boss, along with understanding their typical reaction to these stressors, can go a long way to decreasing our own personal stress.

Beverly Beuermann-King, CSP
For over twenty years, Beverly has used her S-O-S Principle™ with people and organizations who want to
control their reactions to stress, build resiliency against life’s challenges, and live healthy, successful lives.

Check out Beverly’s past presentations with AAP. Connect with Beverly if you are looking to have her share her mental health and resiliency expertise and experience with your team by visiting https://worksmartlivesmart.com  or emailing her at info@worksmartlivesmart.com