How to Work With a Difficult Person
Written by Katy Hebebrand
Why Is Your Coworker Difficult?
What defines a difficult coworker? There are some common characteristics and factors that may cause you to think that your coworker is difficult. These include:
- Laziness
- Inability to work independently
- An unusual approach to completing work
- Not liking their job or role in the organization
- Personal issues that affect their attitude or ability to work effectively
- Not understanding their job responsibilities
- Taking credit for work they didn’t do
- Not listening or engaging
Ways to Connect With a Difficult Coworker
Your organization hired this employee for a reason. The hiring manager saw something in them that made them a good fit for the team. For this reason, it may be in your best interest to help them succeed.
Get to know them. It’s often easier to communicate and work with someone you have a connection with. Invite your coworker out to lunch one day and get to know them better. By laying the foundation for a working friendship, you may learn more about them. It may help you understand why they’re hard to work with and help you feel more empathetic.
If they’re going through a tough personal situation, they may not have the resources they need to cope at work. Helping a coworker or employee find the resources they need to solve their personal problem may help improve their work life.
Change your perspective. Everyone sees the world differently. Try to challenge your thoughts about a difficult coworker by seeing things from their point of view. Think about how they react in different situations. Do they generally have a positive or a negative mindset? Adjust how you filter interactions with this coworker to broaden your view of the situation.
Consider Your Role
Relationships depend on both people. Take time to reflect on how you contribute to the perception that your coworker is difficult. Do you treat the person differently because you feel like they are difficult? Do you talk negatively about them to other coworkers? If so, consider how you can change your actions to help improve how you and others view this person. This may also help improve your relationship with them.
If others talk badly about the coworker or treat them differently, take the initiative to stop participating. Help others around you to change their perspective. Work together to help lift the person up instead of putting them down.
Address Your Concerns
If your attempts to connect don’t work, try talking to them about how you feel. Conversations like this can feel awkward, but clearing the air and working through a problem may be the best way to find a solution.
If the person is your supervisor or works in a role above you, consider taking your concerns to your Human Resources (HR) department. When you speak to HR, use the following thoughts to guide your discussion:
- Keep your concerns to the facts.
- Don’t allow your emotions to affect how you deliver your concerns.
- Don’t exaggerate the issue.
- Be clear that your goal is to improve your working relationship with the person.
Identify Harassment From a Coworker
Know how to identify if a difficult coworker’s behavior becomes harassment. If your coworker is hostile, acting inappropriately, or trying to intimidate you, make a plan to talk to HR. Your plan should include:
- Sharing the facts of what is happening
- Explaining your side of the story
- Asking what they think about the situation and how you should proceed
- Understanding that there are two sides to every story and that HR may need to investigate
- Documenting any issues you have moving forward
Know When to Let Go
If your coworker is negatively affecting your time at work, you may have a hard time being productive. This may affect your mood and attitude. It may challenge your ability to perform at expected levels. If your difficult coworker doesn’t want to change, consider the changes you can make, including:
- Focus less on them and more on yourself.
- Develop your own coping mechanisms, like meditating.
- Keep your distance and interact with them as little as possible.
- Switch to another department or role.
- Escalate your concerns to a supervisor or HR manager.
In some cases, you may consider looking for another job. Before you do, remember that difficult people are everywhere. There is no guarantee that you’ll get along with everyone in a new job setting.
