If someone insults you at work and then says, “I was just joking,” that doesn’t magically make it a joke.  Actually, it makes it worse.  You feel belittled and often isolated, sometimes even in front of another person or a group.  

This is a classic move to dodge accountability, especially in a meeting. I’ve seen it derail plenty of relationships and teams. Here’s what works, straight from the courtroom, where you can’t let a jab get by.

#1. Say, “Then be funnier.”

This response is my personal favorite. It lets the other person know that their insult coupled with, “I was just joking,” isn’t funny.  No sarcasm. No lecture. Just a calm, yet calculated signal: That didn’t land. 

#2. Say, “I’m surprised by that.”

This is a full power flip. They’ll almost always ask, “What do you mean?”

You’re going to respond, “I’m just surprised you went with that.”

Now they’re asking you questions.  You now control the conversation. You are the one who is more assertive and more confident while they are the one asking questions in the weaker position.  Game changer. 

#3. Say, “That doesn’t sound like a joke. It sounds like an issue.”

Then stop talking and let silence do the work. They’ll either own it, exposing how they really feel or they’ll retract it, realizing their mistake and backpedalling. The goal here isn’t to embarrass them, it’s to reset the tone and protect the integrity of the conversation.

So the next time this happens, remember: you don’t need to take a jab to regain control.  Stay calm and try one of these simple responses to flip the script and get the conversation back on track. 

– J