November 24th, 2008
Any time you can avoid creating tension in your conversations with your difficult person, the better!
Take responsibility for what you need, want, have, hear etc. Instead of saying “You need to….” say instead “I need…”
I’m not telling you that you will get what you need, but I am decreasing a defensive reaction by using “I” language. “You” at the start of any sentence increases the odds that the tension will increase. I promise you will see I’m correct! (which sounds much better than “You will see that I am correct!”)
There is tension in your dealings with your difficult person. Don’t make it worse.