Archive for July, 2017

How to Deal With Difficult People

Friday, July 28th, 2017

James C. Collins wrote the best seller: “Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap…and Other’s Don’t.”  It has stood the test of time and sold over 4 million copies according to Wikipedia.

Jim has some very good advice that is contained in his seven characteristics of companies that went from good to great. For this column I am only going to deal with the first:

First Who, Then What: Get the right people on the bus, then figure out where to go. This is all about finding the right people and trying them out in different positions.

Of course to get the right people on the bus, you have to find out who may be the wrong people on the bus that perhaps have to get off.

Well that is all well and good if you are in a management role and have the authority to ask someone to politely get off the bus. What if you are a fellow rider and have to work with someone who should have been asked to get off a long time ago but for one reason or another, is still on the bus.  Now what? published Kevin Kruse’s article “Dealing with Difficult People”.  The full article can be found here, but I am just going to summarize his excellent advice:

  1. Don’t get dragged down. Don’t get sucked into their world of negativity.
  2. Listen. Use good listening techniques.  They think no one is listening to them.
  3. Use a time for venting. Let the Downer vent for 5 minutes. Then move on.
  4. Don’t agree. Appeasing them only adds fuel to the fire.
  5. Don’t stay silent. Silence will be interpreted as agreement.
  6. Do switch extremes into facts. Switch them to fact-based statements.
  7. Move to problem solving. Help them move to a problem-solving mode.
  8. Cut them off. Nothing worked? Then politely shut them down.

You want to enjoy the company of those with whom you work while the wheels on the bus go round and round.

-David J. Bilinsky, Vancouver.

How To Deal With Explosive Anger

Tuesday, July 18th, 2017




I was on a mini vacation with my mom, and we were golfing on a beautiful Saturday with my uncle Ron and my cousin Debbie. My uncle is an average golfer. Some days he plays very well, and other days he isn’t so lucky.

Saturday was one of the best days he ever had on the golf course, and he was hitting the ball for miles (and he had a big grin on his face to show his pleasure with it too). It was turning out to be a great day.

Until the 4th hole.

Uncle Ron stepped up to the tee box and shot a drive that looked like Bubba Watson got a hold of it. Probably the best drive of his life. Perfectly straight, almost on the green (it was a par 4). And, about 50 yards past the group of golfers in front of us.

For those of you that are golfers, you realize that he just made a major gaff. You should never hit up to the golfers in front you, let alone past them. Someone could get seriously hurt by doing that.

Uncle Ron was 100% at fault and immediately felt terrible for this amazing shot. Terrible for what could have happened. Fortunately, he didn’t hit anyone (he was well over their heads actually).

One of the group in front of us was very upset by this (rightfully so) and hopped in his golf cart, and came racing back to us.

When he got to us before he said anything my uncle Ron started to apologize. He took full responsibility and was very good about his apology.

This wasn’t good enough for Mr. Golfer. He screamed and yelled. Uncle Ron said “I apologize” about four more times and then stopped talking. Clearly, nothing he said was getting through to Mr. Golfer.

Then, he threatened all of us. Seriously. Now it is pretty hard to back down from a physical threat that was uncalled for. I gave my uncle credit though. Although he clarified “Are you threatening me?” he didn’t take the bait and didn’t get into it with Mr. Golfer. Clearly, he knew that this was a recipe for danger.

When we stopped responding, and he finished screaming, he got in his cart and started to drive away. On his final look at my cousin Debbie, he wagged his finger and told her “Not to be smiling at all about this!” She had a look of “holy cow!” on her face that was not a smile.

So, what would you have done in that situation?

I am guessing it was very difficult for my uncle not to defend himself (or us) as we were being threatened. It was very difficult not to yell back “I’ve said I’m sorry four times – what else do you want me to do?” It was very difficult not to get baited.

But it was the right thing to do. Yes, being threatened is wayway out of line. But the only way to make this guy go away was to stop talking. What would have been accomplished by arguing with him? Potential danger for sure.

Sometimes the right answer is to not respond. Many times that is the hardest thing to do.

Article by,

The Secret to Dealing With Difficult People: It’s About You

Friday, July 14th, 2017

Do you have someone at work who consistently triggers you? Doesn’t listen? Takes credit for work you’ve done? Wastes your time with trivial issues? Acts like a know-it-all? Can only talk about himself? Constantly criticizes?

Our core emotional need is to feel valued and valuable. When we don’t, it’s deeply unsettling, a challenge to our sense of equilibrium, security, and well-being. At the most primal level, it can feel like a threat to our very survival.

This is especially true when the person you’re struggling with is your boss. The problem is that being in charge of other people rarely brings out the best in us.

“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely,” Lord Acton said way back in 1887. “There is no worse heresy than the office that sanctifies the holder of it.”

The easy default when we feel devalued is to the role of victim, and it’s a seductive pull. Blaming others for how we’re feeling is a form of self-protection. Whatever is going wrong isn’t our fault. By off loading responsibility, we feel better in the short-term.

The problem with being a victim is that you cede the power to influence your circumstances. The painful truth when it comes to the people who trigger you is this: You’re not going to change them. The only person you have the possibility of changing is yourself.

Each of us has a default lens through which we see the world. We call it reality, but in fact it’s a selective filter. We have the power, to view the world through other lenses. There are three worth trying on when you find yourself defaulting to negative emotions.

The Lens of Realistic Optimism. Using this lens requires asking yourself two simple questions when you feel you’re being treated badly or unfairly. The first one is “What are the facts in this situation?” The second is, “What’s the story I’m telling myself about those facts?”

Making this distinction allows you to stand outside your experience, rather than simply reacting to it. It also opens the possibility that whatever story you’re currently telling yourself isn’t necessarily the only way to look at your situation.

Realistic optimism, a term coined by the psychologist Sandra Schneider, means telling yourself the most hopeful and empowering story about a given circumstance without subverting the facts. It’s about moving beyond your default reaction to feeling under attack, and exploring whether there is an alternative way of viewing the situation that would ultimately serve you better. Another way of discovering an alternative is to ask yourself “How would I act here at my best?”

The Reverse Lens. This lens requires viewing the world through the lens of the person who triggered you. It doesn’t mean sacrificing your own point of view but rather widening your perspective.

It’s nearly certain that the person you perceive as difficult views the situation differently than you do. With the reverse lens, you ask yourself, “What is this person feeling, and in what ways does that make sense?” Or put more starkly: “Where’s my responsibility in all this?”

Counterintuitively, one of the most powerful ways to reclaim your value, when it feels threatened, is to find a way to appreciate the perspective of the person you feel devalued by. It’s called empathy.

Just as you do, others tend to behave better when they feel seen and valued — especially since insecurity is what usually prompts them to act badly in the first place.

The Long Lens. Sometimes your worst fears about another person turn out to be true. He is someone who bullies you unreasonably and seeing it from his perspective doesn’t help. She does invariably take credit for your work.

When your current circumstances are incontrovertibly bad, the long lens provides a way of looking beyond the present to imagine a better future. Begin with this question: “Regardless of how I feel about what’s happening right now, how can I grow and learn from this experience?”

How many times has something that felt terrible to you in the moment turned out to be trivial several months later, or actually led you to an important opportunity or a positive new direction?

My last boss fired me. It felt awful at the time, but it also pushed me way out of my comfort zone, which is where it turned out I needed to go.

Looking back, the story I tell myself is that for all his deficiencies, I learned a lot from that boss, and it all serves me well today. I can understand, from his point of view, why he found me difficult as an employee, without feeling devalued. Most important, getting fired prompted me to make a decision — founding the company I now run — that has brought me more happiness than any other work I’ve ever done.

Article by,
Tony Schwartz

Tony Schwartz
 is the president and CEO of The Energy Project and the author of Be Excellent at Anything. Become a fan of The Energy Project on Facebookand connect with Tony at and

How to Handle Aggressive Behavior

Thursday, July 6th, 2017
Three Tips for Dealing with a Person with Aggressive Behavior

Learning how to deal with aggressive behavior in your team members, your peers or even your manager will contribute to a healthier organization.

Our company has expertise in providing coaching for abrasive and aggressive managers.

In our Front Line Leadership program, we do an activity from a company called Human Synergistics that helps leaders identify whether the people they have conflict with are constructive, passive or aggressive.

Most leaders have the biggest challenge with aggressively defensive people and are eager to hear some tips for how to communicate more effectively with an aggressive individual.

It’s important to realize that aggressive behavior is defensive in nature.

While the majority of people protect themselves with more passive strategies like avoidance, playing by the rules or being liked and accepted by others, some people believe a strong offense is a good defense.

Their aggressiveness works most of the time by keeping people around them, back on their heels and fearful of the confrontation.

There are few defining characteristics that indicate a person is aggressive defensive.

First, they tend to argue and criticize, sometimes even when they don’t understand an issue.

By pointing out the flaws in others, they try to keep people from seeing their own flaws.  They’re reluctant to make suggestions for fear that it will open them up to being criticized by others.

Secondly, aggressive people tend to be overly controlling and like all decisions and information to flow through them.

They don’t share well and they don’t like to admit when they’re wrong.

Third, aggressive people tend to be overly competitive and constantly comparing themselves against others.  They hate losing and if they perceive even the chance of losing, they’ll tend to withdraw and retreat.

Here are three tips for dealing with an aggressive person:

#1 Be Direct

The only language an aggressive person understands is directness.

Hinting and beating around the bush will only add fuel to an aggressive person’s fire.

While it might take some courage standing up to an aggressive person and directly telling them to stop, you will usually gain their respect and cause them to be less aggressive – at least with you.

#2 Be Prepared with Facts and Figures

Be prepared by having the facts and figures on hand when communicating with an aggressive person.  This will help you counteract their strong opinions.

Remember that an aggressive person will form strong negative opinions in the absence of full information.  Your best tool to counteract those opinions is with good support of data.

The aggressive person will tend to withdraw rather than concede defeat so don’t expect them to change their mind or tell you that you’re right and that they’re wrong.

#3 Stay Engaged

It’ll be tempting for you to avoid dealing with the aggressive person.  Even though it will go against your instinct, keep building relationships with them.

Remember that they’re counting on their ill temper to keep people at a distance and protect their lack of self confidence and self esteem.

By continuing to engage them in small talk and involving them in decision making and problem solving, you’ll show them that they don’t have to be defensive towards you.

This could cause them to be less aggressive with you in the future.

Remaining confidently calm with aggressive people you interact with, will help you get maximum value from their contributions to the team and it might even help them get along better with their co-workers, because of your positive influence.

To continue your growth as a leader, you are invited to check out our books, videos and training workshops and join our Facebook community at:

Action you can take:

Develop the leadership skills that front line supervisors, team leaders and managers need to improve safety, productivity and quality, while maximizing the involvement of all team members. Whether you need foundational skills or a specialized workshop, reach out and start a conversation today.

Article by,
Greg Schinkel, CSP, President
Front Line Leadership Systems
Develop the skills your team needs to drive results and maximize engagement.  Call us at 1-866-700-9043 or email or use the link below to contact us today.

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