Bully

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Don’t be a bully when you are confronting your difficult person.

It is tempting to want to have our say and then end the conversation.  That makes you part of the problem, not part of the solution.

Be willing to have a two-sided conversation, not a one-sided lecture.

Think through what you want to say, say it and then wait for their response.  Not easy, but certainly better than lecturing (or appearing to lecture) and compounding the problem.

So, the last time you confronted someone – were you a bully?

Interrupting

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Don’t interrupt. When someone is ‘exploding’ on you (having a verbal
outburst that feels like an attack), bite your tongue.  The average angry
explosion last 45 seconds.  That is a long time when someone is yelling at
you.  Concentrate on not interrupting them.  Let them finish.

Quite frankly, even if you do interrupt, they won’t hear you – they are
still focused on their anger and unable to process what you say.

Take that time to hear what they are saying (without absorbing the anger) and
to prepare your response.

Others

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When you are having a confrontation or difficult conversation, never bring “others” into it.  Stay away from saying “Mary has the same problem with you” or “I’m not the only one who feels this way.”

When others are brought into the conversation it takes away the focus from your intent and will distract from the confrontation/conversation.  The person you are speaking with is now thinking about Mary or other people instead of focusing on the issue at hand.  Your intent is lost, and so is the conversation.

Stand

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If you are dealing with your difficult person (or having your confrontation) over the telephone, have your conversation standing (instead of sitting).

While standing, our voice is deeper, thereby projecting more confidence.  While seated, your voice is not nearly as effective.

Practice by recording your voice mail standing tomorrow morning.  Listen to the difference!